No Mercy is coming to you on October 22 from some place in the U. S. of A. Or maybe it's Canada? Or maybe no one really cares? Boy, you can tell I'm really fired up for this one, eh? Here are my predictions for the "Most exciting PPV in WWF History," a quote that's used for every PPV. Sure must be crowded at the top, eh? And some false advertising, because I haven't seen a decent PPV since early 1999, if you don't count the ones I've bought at Suncoast or the flea market. This PPV prediction follows the same format as the Unforgiven one. First I'll have my picks, then what I'll think will happen. All I know this is one PPV I won't be purchasing. Why, may you ask? Well, no Undie = no PPV. Plus, I ain't shelling out bucks for a glorified RAW is WAR. Now after my rant, back to your regularly scheduled program. Oh, and don't expect all the matches to be predicted. I foolishly went by the WWF's list of matches (should have gone with Keller's).

 

 

 

No Holds Barred
Stone Cold Steve Austin vs. Rikishi

My Pick: WWF- why has thou given me such a match to predict? This match involves two guys I ain't the fondest of. But if I have to pick someone, here it goes. I'd like to see Rikishi win, if only to get him over as a heel. And am I sensing a Nation reforming in the WWF? Rikishi, Chaz, D-Lo, Big Show, Mark Henry- all who could form together and say the WWF doesn't give a shit about them. When Rikishi was telling the tale on Monday, strains of "WE ARE THE NATION- OF DOMINATION" were dancing through my head. Of course, we sadly won't have dear Owen shouting "I AM NOT A NUGGET!!" and "ENOUGH'S ENOUGH AND IT'S TIME FOR A CHANGE!" to the people.

Will Win: Gee- I wonder who? Let's see- it's his return match, he's pissed at Rikishi, and you know the STUNNER! STUNNER! STUNNER! is one mofo of a deadly move. And methinks this is the only move you'll be seeing that night. Other than that, expect a big staredown, beer showers, and lotsa punching since the half-dozen moves that could be performed on Austin are now reduced to about 3 (and I'm being generous). And don't forget JR going into an orgasmic state so profound that Bubba Ray will look like he's faking it every week.

WINNER: This match didn't even have an ending; Austin was carted off to jail which means more of this feud to come (lucky us!). If you go by who had the upper-hand only, the winner would be Austin. But since there was no final judgment, I'm not counting this one in the final tally.

 

World Wrestling Federation Championship
The Rock vs. Kurt Angle

My Pick: Hell- you know I'm going with Angle on this one. I'm glad the Rock held onto the belt for a time, because it adds legitimacy to it, but it's time someone else had it. A fighting champion. A champion that is everyone's hero. :) That and an Angle win will hopefully lead to a Survivor title match with him and HHH to finally end the love triangle. A girl can dream, can't she?

Will Win: Can you say "Rocky?"

WINNER: HOLY SHIT- KURT, KURT, KURT! NEW CHAMPION!!

 

 

Triple H vs. Chris Benoit

My Pick: This one's a toughie. HHH is the only Kliq member that has any of my respect and is one hell of a worker. I could do a Sue Hawk- style (Survivor Finale) speech on the rest of them. He's living up to his nickname of The Game. But I also like Benoit. He can also put on a good show and is just so good at playing the heel. Well kiddies, I guess it's time to stop pissing around and pick one. So I'm going to go with HHH, as a continuation of the face wave he's riding. And leave Benoit to feud with Jericho- anything's better than the shit he's in now.

Will Win: Same

WINNER: TRIPLE H

 

Steel Cage Match
Chris Jericho vs. X-Pac

My Pick: Let me ask the congregation again- is the Kliq running the front office again or is X-Pac sucking someone off? Seriously, and why's Jericho feuding with the annoying neon green shit? Oh you know who I want to win this one- the man they call Y2J. That chap who knows Moongoose McQueen pretty well- heard they're friends or something.

Will Win: The wrestling gods will (and better) be shining upon Y2J. And Lord knows he deserves a push after this feud.

WINNER: Jericho

 

Tag Team Title Match
The Hardy Boys vs Los Conquistadors

My Pick: Yes, the Hardys have some kick-ass skills in the ring, but as champs they aren't completing the full picture. They don't do promos and the majority of the pops they do get are from the NSYNC crowd, plus they always have Lita interfering. While Jeff and Matt have been doing their Poetry in Motions and Twist of Fates in the ring, they just seem to be lacking the full package. So, I'm going with Edg...er...Los Conquistadores. Not only can they work, but they're damn hilarious. Plus, how can you not like two guys who revive an old-school 80's jobber team? They've mentioned the Bushwackers, one of my favorites from the 80's, time and time again. That and this whole Conquistador deal reminds me of the multiple Doinks, The Blue Blazer, and the Undertaker v. Underfaker thing. Ah, nostalgia.

Will Win: Same

WINNER: LOS CONQUISTADORES

 

Dudleys Tag Team Elimination Table Invitational
Dudley Boyz vs. Goodfather & Bull Buchanan vs. Tazz & Raven vs. Lo Down vs. Too Cool vs. Edge & Christian

My Pick: Ay Carumba- like you didn't see this one coming from a mile away. My boys, Bubba and D-Von gotta have this one in the bag, as this is their element. And the only other competition they'll get might come in the form of Raven and Taz, who's the best thing about Heat.

Will Win: Same

WINNER: Dudleys

 

Intercontinental Championship
Eddie Guerrero vs. Mr. Ass

My Pick: Eddy's getting the heat, and it ain't just Latino. This boy has pulled on hell of a heel turn. Really, I see this match as nothing more than Billy of the Sweet Cheeks defending Chyna's honor. And a heel with a belt is an even bigger heel, I see Eddy rolling out with this one.

Will Win: Same

(note: This one was scrapped in favor of RTC beating up Chyna and Billy Gunn)

 

 

 

 

 

THE FINAL TALLY (OUT OF MATCHES THAT I HAD PREDICTIONS FOR, ACTUALLY OCCURRED, AND HAD ENDINGS):

MY PICKS: 5/5 (100%)

WILL WINS: 4/5 (80%)

 

Note: Only 5 of them listed here ended with a decision. Sad- ain't it? But on the ones I predicted- damn I'm good.